Last week I told you that I’m starting a company of my own. And I did it. I have it. It’s open and running. I’m still scared and I’m still a bit hyped about it but there are consequences that came with all the happiness and fuss about starting it.
A lot has happened since last week and I must say that some things got out of control. Things that I thought I got covered, weren’t and I wasn’t being myself. Because I got so hyped about my own company, I forgot that I have my duties and obligations to the place I work, to 2GIKA, to my personal life and mostly to myself. A was living in denial.
I’m betting that every single one of us has had an egotrip, where they were full of themselves and forgot about the rest of the world. Well, this is me, confessing that it happened to me too.
Don’t get me wrong, the things that I had to do were done in time or earlier. My job didn’t suffer, 2GIKA mostly didn’t suffer and my social media posting for the companies I work for didn’t suffer (I am talking about things that need to be done like tasks, meetings, etc.)
The things that did suffer and I didn’t notice they were suffering were my relationships with others. I was physically there but mentally absent. I wasn’t being a team member, even the article from last week sounded totally different from the ones I’ve written before (hello my dear Ego friend).
I didn’t listen to people, or let me put it this way, I listened but I definitely did not hear them. I made some promises that I broke, forgot to tell people I care about them and totally forgot about myself. I had a bad reality check that ended with a migraine and a bit of crying.
This is what can and will happen in every type of business if you let it suck you in. I know now, that I was so concentrated on my “thing” that nothing else really mattered and I wasn’t there with my heart. I don’t like it but hey, it’s here, I can’t change the past and now I just have no other option than to deal with it.
Failure is not the opposite of success. It’s a part of success.
So here I am, faced with what happened, what I didn’t see and admitting that I lost control. I let my ego run my life and now I’m facing with some consequences that I could have easily stopped before even happening. I failed, really badly.
I told you that I believe there’s nothing wrong with failing. It’s actually brilliant if you’re wise enough to learn from your mistakes. And I welcome failures, even if they hurt. You can not become better and greater at what you do or who you are if you do not fail a few times (successful people are the ones that have often failed, remember that).
I (again) discovered, that when I’m not happy with myself I get easily distracted and everything sucks me in – it’s an escape from reality. It could be a video game, TV shows or opening a company (who would have thought, huh). So the problem from the beginning of my little collapse was inside of me. I forgot to eat healthy, I didn’t exercise, I slept for about 3-4 hours a day and when you do the math, of course things happened just the way they did. It was just a matter of time ’till they collapse.
So now what?
Well… I gave myself a day or two and rethought every thing. Solutions for some things are obvious, for others not so much. I am trying to reorganize myself and make time for everything and everyone. There’s no one in this world that could convince me, that they don’t have time. If you really want something, you’ll make time for it, if not, you’ll make an excuse, and the “I don’t have time for that” really comes in handy. I do it, you do it, everybody does it. That’s just the way it is.
Timing is everything and if you know how to divide your obligations and schedule them, you have more than enough time for yourself, your loved ones, friends and family, exercise, etc. I apologized to the people I hurt, which doesn’t change the fact that I did it, but that’s the least I could do. I am trying now to not do it again and to be better, because they deserve it. They deserve my full attention and not me being mediocre.
I’m now trying to somehow repair everything that I’ve done. I am doing the things I forgot to do, saying the things that need to be said and am trying to communicate again. The loss of communication is the first sign that something isn’t right and I didn’t see it. I felt it, but it was easier to say that things just are like that in the moment than to answer the question Why they are the way they are.
A goal without a plan is just a wish.
I’ve set some goals for the future that are really easy to achieve, some that are harder and some that terrify me, because they’re extremely out of my comfort zone. But I need to step out of it because that is the only way that I can and will achieve anything.
I organized my schedule so that I have enough time to fully devote myself to 2GIKA, my company, my job, my relationships and myself (not in that order). I’m trying to figure out how to improve it and make even more time for things that matter the most. Now the hard part comes in. Sticking with the plan. Making it is the easy part, not failing and sticking with it is the hard one. But I believe that it’s going to work and by believing it, I think I’m half way there.
So the lesson I’ve learned (again) is, that I need to listen to myself and when an alarm starts ringing, do not push the snooze button – deal with it, NOW. Because tomorrow could be too late.
See you next week.